My name is Thierry, and I’m Deena’s Minion…

Hey everyone, I’ve got another break from tradition for you this week. My minion has been a little vocal about not getting out and doing stuff recently, so I have allowed him free reign for an entire post. I have the distinct feeling I’m going to regret this, and that feeling starts with the name he has chosen for himself… Thierry. Harmless enough at first, but he then proceeded to tell me it stands for The Handsome and Incredible Explicably Ravishing Ray of Yellow. Fasten your seatbelts… he can be a little arrogant. You’ve been warned.

Yo! This is new. As She says, I’ve been getting a little restless recently. All She seems to do is go to work, go somewhere for lunch, spend the afternoon having a nap, maybe watching something on Netflix and then working again in the afternoon and then dinner, (sometimes with friends, sometimes solo like the loner she is) and then bed. And then it all starts over again. And She walks, like, EVERYWHERE.

When She first brought me with Her on this trip, I was doing so much cool stuff. Like drinking local whiskey in Laos and having selfies with the awesome group of friends She made on the trip. I visited like, four different countries in four weeks, and that’s pretty good going. But then She got a job and a routine and I’ve been shoved in my little bag with a nail file, some antihistamines, painkillers, a jar of tiger balm and a small bottle of hand sanitiser. I say it’s MY bag because I’m the most important thing in there. Don’t argue.

So yeah. I took it up with Her and She was really kinda nice about it. She said I could do whatever I wanted for one whole blogpost (so I thought I’d make the most of it… :D). I told Her I wanted to see everything She did. From the moment She woke up to the moment She turned the light off that night. I told Her I wanted to narrate it like Morgan Freeman. She told me to shut up and be happy that She was even willing to write up my report. She also said it would be boring, but I held my ground, ‘cus I can be pretty charming and persuasive when I wanna be. So yeah. Here goes.

She wakes up when the alarm went off at 6.20. She hits snooze. Twice. The first time She makes a noise like a strangled cat, the second time She opens Facebook and browses on her phone. Then She stumbles outta bed, into the bathroom and has a shower. She takes me with Her ‘cus I insist and today I get a wash too. I will never be repeating that experience. She scrubs me with an exfoliating glove and got shampoo in my eyes! She said it served me right for being nosey. Whatever. Then She has a bowl of muesli with chocolate pieces in it, ‘cus apparently She’s incapable of actually eating anything that’s good for Her without messing with it. Then She moisturises and puts clothes on. Grabs half a bottle out of ice from the freezer and makes sure I’m in her schoolbag. Not today though. Today I get to see the journey to school.img_2420

I didn’t realise it had been raining so much. The ground is sticky with mud and I pray to the MinionGod that She doesn’t drop me in it. We walk past a boutique hotel that has a sweet looking swimming pool in it. We’re gonna go one day if it ever stops raining. We stop at the end of the dirt track and today, She hails a motodop man. For someone who’s been living in Cambodia for like six months, Her Khmer is really bad; luckily for Her most people can speak English. When we get to school, She drops Her bag in the classroom and takes me to the water cooler to top up Her ice bottle. Class starts at 8am, and we arrive about 10 minutes before to set up the classroom.

For the morning’s class, I get to sit on the Teacher’s Table. Naturally all the kids wanna play with me, but She doesn’t let them. Meanie. They’re cute, as far as children go, but to be honest, I’m not really good with kids. They’re really loud, aren’t they? For small people, like, they can make a lotta noise from those little bodies. It’s unreal, but then again, good things come in small packages, look at me – I’m only two inches tall!

The class has English first thing, split into phonics and something more exciting and a little more difficult. Today we are doing the long “u” sound (“oo” like in spoon, “ue” like in blue, “ew” like in news and “u-e” like in rule) and we’re almost finished with Fairy Stories – Cinderella. After break, there is 30-45 mins of Maths (adding and subtracting 10 and 11) and then 45 mins-1 hour of either Science, Art, Music, PE or watching a vaguely educational movie. Today we pushed all the tables together and did Art. She showed the class a bunch of Roman Art stuff like mosaics and stained glass windows and then they got the paints out. I hid in my bag at this point, ‘cos I didn’t wanna get paint on me. The kids looked lethal with the paintbrushes! They are really talented kids though… look what one of them drew on the board at breaktime?! I think it looks a bit like Kevin’s dad.img_2408

Suddenly it’s time to pack up and She tries to zip the bag up with me in it, but I don’t let Her. Instead I get to listen to a serious conversation in the office. Even though it’s only like 11:25, apparently it’s time for lunch. We start walking back in the direction of home and then we see a smiley motodop man and tell him we want to go to King’s Road. His name is Mr Phenn, and apparently She sees him almost every day. Lunch is really nice, and super cheap.

Today, She doesn’t go home to nap. She has agreed to meet one of her private tuition students. I think She is a little embarrassed about me, ‘cos I was poking out of her bag the whole time, but She never introduced me to the guy. I would have been a great conversation topic, forget about sports and food… Then She stayed at Costa for another hour and a bit, killing time until Her next class at the other school. At around 4:30 she packs up and heads out to walk to school. This class is much more interesting. The kids are older and they are learning about newspaper articles. Plus, the class is only an hour, so it flies by. She lets the kids in this class pass me around like I’m some kinda toy, but they are a good bunch. Real shy though… they didn’t want photos taken. img_2413

After the class, we walk home. On the way, She stops at a fruit shake lady for a mango and pineapple shake. By the time we get home, the shake was almost finished and it was full on dark. At least there is no cooking tonight, ‘cos She had a giant burger last night, so that’s dinner sorted. She heated up this burger in a wok. It was the weirdest thing. Then She spends an hour watching Netflix and make sure She knows what She’s wearing for the next day, sets no less than three alarms, turns the light off and surfs Facebook for a while, until it’s time to sleep.

You know, now that I’ve seen the whole day, it’s kinda tiring, but not at all the exhilarating experience I was expecting. Saying that, if you know where to look, you can find excitement in anything. Like any boring old photo with me in it is suddenly Awesome with a capital A, right?

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Just an average British girl travelling the world with a little minion.

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